rant

Theme: Billboard Number Ones

Lee DeWyze. The Letter. Well um…at least the band was good.

Paige Miles. Against All Odds. Pretty bad.  When it started I thought it was going to be good.  I was very wrong.

Tim Urban.  Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Even though he was trying to play to the crowd he looked so uncomfortable on stage.  I wasn’t a fan.

Aaron Kelly. I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing. Not terrible.  He can sing to be so young.  But it’s hard to get excited about him b/c he doesn’t really have star quality.  Maybe he’ll grow into it in a few years but he’s not as precocious as a David Archuleta or as talented as a Carrie Underwood.

Crystal Bowersox. Me and Bobby McGee. Good.  It’ll probably be the best of the night I’m sure.  She’s starting to grow on me.  I will say this, when she sings it seems effortless.  She’s not trying to do anything unnatural with her voice…it’s her own sound.  So I have to give her credit for that at least.

Michael Lynche. When A Man Loves A Woman. Michael is very up and down for me.  He has good weeks like when he sang James Brown and he also has total misses.  I think this is somewhere in between.  But definitely more good than bad.

Andrew Garcia. Heard It Through The Grapevine. Oh darlin’.  You are so in the Bottom 3.  Hell he might even be going home. He’s not even singing just…saying the words.  The judges are going to rip him I can just feel it.

Katie Stevens. Big Girls Don’t Cry. This girl is totally Jordin Sparks.  She’s young and they can help her release a crappy album that won’t sell.  And she’ll likely win b/c she’s the most sellable in a talentless season.

Casey James. The Power Of Love. I actually liked this one.  I didn’t mind the guitar as much this week b/c he seemed to have a much more animated performance.  I don’t think he’ll win or anything but this was one of his better performances.

Didi Benami. You’re No Good. Her voice has a very interesting tone to it.  When she picks the right song I think it sounds good.  I’d have to say this was one of her best performances. (I know that’s not saying much).

Siobhan Magnus. Superstitious. This girl is so wackadoo.  She’s not bad she’s just hard to…describe.  At least her performance wasn’t boring like all the others.  She can put on a show, I’ll give her that.

The show: To quote Simon, overall the show was “a bit boring”.  I was really shocked by the song choices.  Why did everyone choose such old, outdated songs?  Very odd.  As always, I hope next week is better.

Theme: The Rolling Stones

Michael Lynche: Miss You. Shouldn’t they have started the show off on a good note…?  Wow he really chose the wrong song.

Didi Benami: Play With Fire. Um…Not good but not as awful as it could have been.

Casey James: It’s All Over Now. I actually like the tone of his voice.  But he needs to, at least once, ditch the guitar.  He just looks so stiff up there.

LOL!!!  Ellen is soooo crazy!  Haha.  “People like me…blondes”

Lacey Brown: Ruby Tuesday. I guess it wasn’t bad but jeez she is so damn boring.  Her voice is so easy listening.  There’s no up…down…just monotonously one-note.

Andrew Garcia: Give Me Shelter. Uh oh, I think he’s going home.  This is so not his element.  I actually love this dude (and btw I think the judges were being totally unfair to him last week).  But I think he’s best when he’s with his guitar playing his music his way.  This just doesn’t work at all I don’t think.  To bad b/c he’s a talented guy.

HAHAH!!!  Simon is totally calling Kara on her bullshit.  She’s always talking this mess about singers not singing songs with the right “feeling”.  He’s totally right, stop being so literal!  What does she expect? I mean really…

Katie Stevens: Wild Horses. I wish Wild Horses would drag me away..so I wouldn’t have to listen to the rest of this song.  Ok, ok, too easy, I know.  But wow that was just a mess.

Tim Urban: Under My Thumb. I’m really not sure how much longer I can watch this show.  There hasn’t been a single redeeming performance and we’re more than half way through.  Poor kid, this is really not good.

Siobahn Magnus: Paint It Black. Um…I think I am no longer capable of rendering an opinion.  I have been bludgeoned with inferiority and it’s hard to tell one terrible performance from another.  I guess the best I can say is it wasn’t as crappy as the other crappy performances.

Lee DeWyze: Beast of Burden. Simon made such a big deal about this guy in earlier shows.  I honestly don’t get it.  But compared to the other performances tonight his wasn’t terrible I suppose.  Though nothing to get excited about.

Paige Miles: Honky Tonk Woman. Probably the best of the night so far.  Which, I’m aware, is like being the prettiest girl at a double-bagger* party.

Aaron Kelly: Angie. Might have been the best I’ve ever seen him.  His confidence is growing which is nice to see.  I wasn’t jumping out of my seat or anything but I thought it was ok.

Crystal Bowersox: You Can’t Always Get What you Want. Pretty good I suppose.  At least she’s “original” (or whatever that means for American Idol).  I’m still not sure America will keep voting for her tho.  She’s just too different.  I think the novelty will wear off at a certain point.

The show: What a difficult show.  The Stones are so stylized that it’s near impossible for anyone to sing their songs well.  Overall I think it was very disappointing.  The talent is so lacking this year.  I’m hoping it gets better over time otherwise I can’t keep watching this show.  Also I’m really not sure who to choose for the Bottom 3 this week.  Too many to choose from.

*double-bagger. (n.) A girl/guy who’s hideousness requires not only a bag over their own head but a bag over the head of their companion in the event that their bag accidentally comes off

That’s it folks, Bottom 3 is over.  I apologize for my tardiness in updating the game but I was busy sending Nick Gentle fan letters.

I hope you all enjoyed playing.  I’ll see you all next season…maybe.

I didn’t know the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan was an American Idol judge.

Oh no.  Not Mikalah!  Seriously isn’t she at about minute 15:03?

That rendition of So What really sucked.  But I will say, the way they integrated Scott was actually pretty cool.  It was seamless and it didn’t shine a spotlight on any disadvantage he might have.  I have to respect the choreographer for that.

Oh no!  Did David’s brother die? Aw man I just googled it, that’s terrible.  I remember his story from last season.  Truly and sincerely, that’s really sad.

YES!!!! NORMAN MUTHAEFFIN GENTLE!  I’m sorry that dude cracks me the hell up.

When did Fantasia start dressing Queen Latifah?  To quote the young hipsters: that outfit is major FAIL!

Why the hell is Jason Mraz barefoot?  Jason, I know you’re a vegan raw foodist but shoes are meatless. (Laze, that’s for you). Put some damn shoes on that stage is nasty.

LOL!!! What the hell was Megan doing during the BEP performance?  Looked like the poor thing was having a fit!  I used to be a big fan of The Black Eyed Peas but this song is just stupid.  I hate to say it but it is.  I want to like it, I do, but I just can’t.

!!!!!  Kara was sooooo damn funny!  Can’t believe she ripped open her dress.  Hilarious.  Bikini girl really got showed up.  Too funny.

The duet with Allison and Cyndi Lauper was pretty cool actually.  Time After Time unplugged if you will.  It got a little weird at the end but it was nice.

Good News: It’s Lionel Ritchie. Bad News: He’s not singing Brick House.

Ok, seriously, Adam WTF?!  There’s different and then there’s I’m a freak wearing wire shoulder pads.  But then…I guess he fit right in with KISS.

I heart Steven Martin.  Aside from being one of the funniest people alive he’s also a badass banjo player.  Too bad he had to share the stage with the horribly untalented duo of Michael and Megan. Is it me or is that a distinct grimace on his face?

Ok, I have to pay a little respect.  Scott smashed that choreography.  Even the little spin line rotation move.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not praising him out of pity or because I think he’s an incapable invalid.  Quite the opposite.  I’m genuinely impressed that he’s able to do the moves perfectly.  I imagine he had to work so much  harder than everyone else and I think he did really well.  Nice.

Ok, Adam totally carried the Queen song.  I think this type of song really suits him b/c he can hit those high notes and really belt it out.

Winner: Kris Allen

I knew it! I had Kris in my Bottom 2 but I had Danny as the winner.  So close.  Oh well, I lost again but there’s always next year. Maybe…

Theme: Finale

Adam Lambert: Mad World. If he starts flying that’ll be soooo awesome!  I liked this performance better the first time around but it’s still good.  This is a great song and I actually don’t mind this rendition.  It’s a very original take.

Kris Allen: Ain’t No Sunshine. In this case, I’d say it was better than the first time.  I actually had good instincts from the beginning on Kris.  I knew he’d make the Bottom 2 when I first saw him.  Nice job.

Adam Lambert: A Change Is Gonna Come. Wow what an interesting choice.  I so would not have guessed that one. But Adam being Adam, he nails it.  Say what you will, this guy has an incredible range.  So while I don’t love him, he does deserve to be in the finals.

Kris Allen: What’s Going On. Um…  I really would not have chosen this song for him.  Aside from it being an absolute classic that’s hard to mess with, it’s also kind of a downer.  Don’t get me wrong I love this song but it’s way too serious for Idol and way to serious for Chris at this stage of the competition.  Oh well, at least he gets another chance to possibly end on a high note.

Adam Lambert: No Boundaries. With the (slight) exception of Fantasia’s song, every single Idol winning song has sucked.  Big time.  And…this is no exception.  I guess he did the best he could but this song is just dreadful.

Kris Allen: No Boundaries. Much better than Adam.  First off the arrangement isn’t an extreme experimental mess.  Makes the song much more approachable and appealing.  I still hate the song but I hated it less when Kris sang it.  He definitely had some pitch problems towards the end but I’m betting that has more to do with vocal fatigue than anything.  Overall…not terrible.

The show: Is it me or is Paula blacker than George Hamilton?  She seriously needs to ease up on the fake tanning.

I don’t know…this is going to be a close one.  I think they are both really talented which makes it hard to see a clear winner.  And their styles are so night and day that I have a feeling the vote won’t even be close.  There is the theory that Kris will take it because he’ll get all of Danny’s votes.  We’ll see.

I’m just hoping Norman Gentle is on the finale show.

Theme: Judge/Contestant Choice

Danny Gokey: Dance Little Sister. I would not have chosen this song for him.   Also why pick the lesser known TTD song?  If you’re going to pick Terrence Trent Darby at all (and I’m not sure why you would) why not pick Wishing Well or Sign Your Name?  Didn’t love it.  But I think it’s more because of the song than anything.

“Well I’m a choreographer…”  Ha!  Was that Paula bitch slapping Kara?  Nice.

Kris Allen: Apologize. Much better than I expected it to be.  Though I’d never admit it, I like that song.  I didn’t even know Kris played the piano.  Overall I thought it was good.  Not amazing but good.

Oh hold on now is Simon getting in Kara’s face.  Oh snap!  No he didn’t

Adam Lambert: One. Um…  I mean it started off really good.  But what was with that arrangement midway through?  That ruined it IMO.

Danny Gokey: You Are So Beautiful. Aw, so sweet.  I don’t know if it’s pity or just awareness but whenever he sings ballads like this I immediately think of his wife.  Incredibly sad to lose your wife so young like that.  But I thought that was really good.

Kris Allen: Heartless. Before he began I literally groaned.  But hey now.  I was so surprised.  I can’t believe he pulled it off.  Better than punk-ass Kanye’s version. Hell I might even download the iTunes.

Adam Lambert: Crying. I have a feeling he’s going to put Gokey’s previous Aerosmith attempt to shame.  Yeah ok so it’s much better.  I’m not sure why he’s compelled to do these bad arrangements.  It’s fine to mix things up and sometimes he scores a win.  But more often, as is the case here, it just falls flat.  Good vocals though.

The show: Am I the only one who finds Kara annoying?  Even moreso than Paula if that’s possible.  Overall I though this was a good show.  I think this will be a hard Bottom 3 vote this week.

Theme: Rock

Adam Lambert: Whole Lotta Love. So damn over the top.  He’s so going home this week.  Sorry Bottom 3ers who had him in your final two.

Allison Iraheta: Cry Baby. Jackie Jormp-Jomp!  Awesome!  Good I guess.  Though I think it would have been cooler had she done a different song.  Like Barracuda by Heart or something.

Kris Allen & Danny Gokey: Renegade. Um why…?  I mean I understand having Tamyra Gray and Justin Guarini sing With You I’m Born Again on Season 1.  That was a good duet.  This was just painful and awkard.  Wow.  Just bad.

Kris Allen: Come Together. Am I the only one cringing right now?  Whenever I hear people bastardizing the classics my involuntary reaction is to recoil.  Well look…he tried.  But I think the arrangement and the whole performance was just whack.  Michael Jackson must be rolling over in his grave right now.

Danny Gokey: Dream On. Oof.  That arrangement is not good.  What was that weird melody at the bridge?  And the riffing in the middle?  Oh why Danny why? Wow, this is not his element.  Makes me really respect Steven Tyler because that is not an easy song to pull off.  That was just bad.

Allison Iraheta & Adam Lambert: Slow Ride. Much better than Kris and Danny.  Oh no they did not try to amp the crowd during the break. LOL!  Funny.  Oh, and in case you’re wondering…I kick this song’s a$$ in Guitar Hero on both Medium and Hard.

The show: Overall this show sucked pretty major.  Rock is just not the genre for AI.  I can’t even say there was a performance I liked the whole night.  Hopefully next week will be better.  But then…don’t I say that every week?

Theme: Rat Pack

Kris Allen: The Way You Look Tonight. I’m not a huge fan of standards so I’m sure that will affect my opinion.  Um…it was ok.  Not terrible but not great either.

Allison Iraheta: Someone To Watch Over Me. One of her better performances. Not bad.

Matt Giraud: My Funny Valentine. Oh dear.  When Jamie Foxx said change the key…I don’t think he meant every 5 seconds.  Just not good.

Danny Gokey: Come Rain Or Come Shine. The arrangement sounds a little strange to me.  I think it would have sounded better had they not done that.  But overall, I think it was good.  Hold the phone…I didn’t know he was going to have that little fit at the end.  He really tried to put some soul in it.  Ha!

Adam Lambert: Feeling Good. You know, I’ve honestly misjudged this guy.  I mean that last note was just spectacular.  His voice didn’t falter even one bit.  I thought he did a great.

The show: Wow.  What the hell is Paula wearing?  She looks like a deranged bow on a gift-wrapped present.

Does anyone know if they’ve ever done this theme before?  I don’t remember that they ever have.  And after tonight, I’m sure the reason is because this theme is so damn boring.

Theme: Disco

Lil Rounds: I’m Every Woman. Chaka is rolling over in her cigarette filled grave!  Ok, that was mean.  Seriously tho, that was terrible.  She was all over the place.

Kris Allen: She Works Hard For the Money. At the risk of demonstrating a Kris Allen bias…I actually liked this.  It was very original.  I’ll admit when I saw him with the guitar I had an ‘Oh Lord!’ eye-rolling moment.  I was surprised because it was much better than I was expecting.  Good even.

Danny Gokey: September. Oh yeah, this my sawng!  Unlike previous weeks, he came out and immediately blew it away.  I liked it.  And I didn’t even mind the wackadoo arrangement.

Allison Iraheta: Hot Stuff. Coco Chanel is famously quoted as saying (and I’m paraphrasing) before you leave the house take off one thing.  Apparently no one ever gave Allison that advice.  What the hell is she wearing?  Also, um, is it me or does she look more tan this week?  Very odd appearance.  As for the performance, I would say not awesome.  I really want to see something different from her.  I just haven’t loved her last few performances.

Adam Lambert: If I Can’t Have You. I much preferred the beginning of the song than the middle and end.  He does, however, have an incredible range.  When he shows control and sings in a softer voice he does a really good job.  I think he also does a good job of connecting to the song and to the audience.  But Adam, I implore you, no more screeching.  Please.

Matt Giraud: Staying Alive. He really needs to pick one crappy cliche and stick with it.  Either he’s going to be a blue-eyed soul-less piano man, non-rocking rocker, or…whatever the hell he was trying to be tonight.  Sheesh, he’s such a goner.  I’m sure the judges are kicking themselves for wasting their one save.

Anoop Desai: Dim All The Lights. It’s pretty obvious that Anoop won’t win Idol but, you know, I hope he gets a record deal anyway.  I’d kind of like to see what kind of album he would make.  He has a good voice.  That song was a wreck but I think that was more the song choice than his actual performance.

The show: LOL I love the reaction from Lil’s grandmother in the audience.  After Kara trashed Lil she just waved her hand in a “That chile don’t know what she talkin’ bout” kind of way.  Hilarious.

HA!  I love that Seacrest mentioned Anoop’s eyebrows!  I was so thinking to myself that they must have plucked and waxed him.  Too funny.

Well, though it wasn’t mind-blowing, I will say I enjoyed this show much more than last week.  Maybe it was Tarantino who sucked the life out of last week’s show.  Oh, also I prefer when there’s not a mentor.  Aside from the painfully awkward celebrity interactions, it annoys me the way they ruin the element of surprise for each performance.  This way when they sing it’s the first time we are hearing the idol’s version of the song.  Overall a much better show this week.

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay in updating the scores.  It was the result of a computer hiatus combined with the contemplation of this week’s results.

So just to clarify how the scoring works for this week…  It’s the same scoring as usual.  If you voted for the correct Bottom 3 you get (3 Points) and if you voted for Matt as the loser you get an additional (5 Points). Even though Matt was saved, America chose him as the loser.  So just because he didn’t go home, that shouldn’t prohibit you from getting your deserved 5 Points.

So what does this mean for next week?   Next week I will alter the voting interface to allow users to choose 2 losers.  You will get (5 Points) for each loser you correctly select.  Again, just like before I gave this careful thought and considered feedback from regular Bottom 3 players.  But, as usual, if you disagree with this decision please let me know.